The first outing for the new-look Templars saw Messrs The Abbott of Wolsey Court, Cap'n Dave Payne, Hopeless Harry Hoskins and Simon 'The Dealer' Nichols take on a side from the depths of Kings Lynn. What would happen? Read on to find out!
On board one, The Abbott had said three Hail Marys and a couple of How's Yer Fathers and dived into a game against an oppo who seemed to know what he was doing. The religious amongst us might've prayed for more than a draw, but it seemed the sky was empty in a Plathian way and a draw was what occurred with pieces a plenty, but not much headway to be made, on the board. Now come with me if you will to board three, Hopeless Harry Hoskins making his league two debut against the experienced Rupert 'Mine's a' Guinness. It didn't take more than five moves for the St Johnite to live up to his sobriquet and go a piece down and have a horrible position to boot due to a nursery-school pin wot he shoulda avoided. After that, and with the words of Cap'n Dave ringing in his ears like the end of a bell, Hoskins went for it and managed to get some threats going despite always being about a move away from being mated. He was not to go down without a fight and, although it was surely a lost cause, he gave it the beans with threats aplenty but alas in the end he missed a combo that allowed a queen exchange and, with all his threats gone, knocked over his king and buggered off to the bar. On his way there, he glanced at The Dealer's position. It seemed the purveyor of drugs was a pawn up, but it looked sort of drawish. However, not 30 minutes later in the lavvies The Nichols informed the somewhat bereft Hoskins that he had indeed won! Joy of joys and visions of Ed T King in a bathing suit (something Hoskins always uses to calm himself in times of extreme excitement) the Templars were back in the game with honours now even and only Cap'n Dave left to decide the match. Blessed be to Simon of the Nichols and the excitements of league chess! Back upstairs after the toilet excursions, I watched a group of excited chessers gather round to see the culmination of Cynthia Payne’s game [which can be found below]. The sheep-fiddler had just pulled off a lovely exchange against the perma-happy Alan Chua. It left the boss of the Templars up the exchange, rook vs bishop, but with his oppo having a strong cluster of central pawns, but our boy was not to be deterred by that! Down on the clock and facing threats that the Welshman had created, Mr Chua went to move a piece, realised he couldn’t and verbalised the greatest ever statement of discombobulation this reporter has ever witnessed via one or other of his lugholes: "Oh Dear." said the lovely Mr Chua as soft as a member that knows it'll never get up again whilst his hands butterflied around his pieces trying to find something that could be moved without disasters. And yet the Kings Lynn man played on for a bit, but with Cap'n Dave having an eternal pawn a square away from queening there was soon nothing to be done for him to offer our man his hand, much to the delight of the onlooking Templars and, I think, to the appreciation of the Kings Lynners, too as it had been that sort of match. And so, the first Templar’s outing results in a super win in which I can only apologise for my poor show and heap plaudit upon plaudit upon the guys who did the business. Always nice to start the season with a win and roll on the next one. Come on The Templars!
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October 2022
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